I have another career. I am pretty sure I’m going to be phasing out of it pretty soon because THIS is my truer calling. Alas, the old is familiar and easy. True to my inner five year old, I will probably have to go kicking. Ultimately, I know that its getting close to cutting the cord. It’s these other moments that show me how much good I can still do for others, often times in ways I don’t even understand at the moment.
I love how I feel when I help people. It does my soul good! I’ve worked with people all all my life. I have always known things without being able to identify exactly HOW I know or even defend my knowing. It has happened all throughout my career. It has helped me in many ways. It most definitely has gotten stronger as time has gone on! This story happened last year.
To my detriment and also my advantage, I have always made myself available to those that have questions. That has always been a much needed lesson for me on boundaries. There are some I just can’t let go of. So I want to tell you about Tonia*. To understand Tonia*, I want to give you some back story.
Tonia* and her husband Glen (married 42 years) have been clients of mine for what seems, a thousand years. They had a unique balance. Glen was the idea person and Tonia* was the business side. They played hard and worked hard. they lived on the water, had a boat, had cool cars and always had a new project always on the horizon. So at one of their play moments, Glen flew up to go hang out with some friends on Lake Erie and go sailing. Tonia stayed back. At the time, I was in Missouri for my Grandmothers 90th Birthday celebration. I got a call from a mutual friend out of the blue about Tonia* and Glen. There had been an accident. Glen had been knocked overboard in Ohio and and drowned. Tonia* was understandably devastated. The mutual friend wanted me to know in case she called. I was in complete shock. So that is the back story.
Tonia*, to this day, still has moments of intense grief. She is trying to get along in life but has had moments when the world does not sit right on its axis and she gets frustrated and confused. That’s where I came in – and so did Glen.
Tonia* called me in one of her frazzled states, asking where some paperwork was that she needed. I had nothing to do with any of this paper work but I ALWAYS answer her calls and try to help. I knew that my answers and familiar voice helped to calm her down. If I had anything to do with it, no one was going to take advantage of her. So as Tonia* is talking to me, suddenly my third eye was lighting up and I keep seeing this arm SWIPING over top of her body that I saw in my minds eye. It kept happening over and over again. SWIPE! SWIPE! Think of an entire arm that suddenly clears all the smoke and fog out of a room. That’s what it was like. It was a visual I had of Tonia* – even though she was on the other end of a phone in another state. I kept seeing this action over and over and over again. At the moment, I had NO CLUE what was going on but I continued to help Tonia* via phone and give her guidance. While I’m talking to her,I am also hearing the words CLEAR! CLEAR!
Got off the phone, and my heart went out to her. I suddenly got an urge to call her back. I realized GLEN was reaching thru to ask me to help her. It was GLEN saying CLEAR! It was GLEN doing the swiping above her head. He was putting the visual of her in my minds eye. He wanted me to be his microphone to help her. I truly was scared for a moment! This is NOT the capacity for which I operate in my career. Tonia* doesn’t know this side of me at all and now I was to merge the two sides of me?? UGH!!! Talk about being a bit freaked out! It was just such an overwhelming feeling to help and give her his message!! I called a friend and explained what had just happened and she said ‘you need to call her back now!’ So I did. THIS was going to be an interesting call for sure!!
I called Tonia* back and explained that I have some “gifts” and I believe that Glen was trying to give her a message and would she be open to receiving it? I truly don’t think I got the words fully out of my mouth before she loudly exclaimed YES! That’s all it took. The flood gates opened and I explained what I saw, felt, and what I knew Glen wanted her to know.
Glen wanted her to know that he wanted to “swipe” away the bad feelings she was having. Thru me, he exclaimed that she had oppressive heaviness all around her and he needed to SWIPE IT AWAY AND MAKE IT CLEAR! She needed to take the constant burdens of the court cases, the grief, and all the changes she had going on and just PUT THEM ASIDE AND CLEAR HER HEAD! He kept saying “I AM TRYING TO TALK TO YOU BUT YOU CAN”T HEAR ME!” Once she heard that, she seemed to come back to a state of awareness. It was like, those words penetrated the veil of sadness, and she HEARD HIM LOUD AND CLEAR. She said she felt he was giving her signs but she didn’t know. I assured her that he was indeed giving her signs but she has GOT TO CLEAR AWAY EVERYTHING, GO TO THE EDGE OF THE WATER LIKE HE SAID AND LET THE SALT WATER WASH OVER HER FEET — SHE HAD TO PUT THE ALCOHOL AWAY – CLEAR HER HEAD – BREATHE -and then she would indeed, hear him. He would be with her. She sooooooo completely understood everything I was repeating to her! Thru the tears she said she would do what he asked and she suddenly, didn’t feel so out of control. She wanted to find her footing again.
She had some questions that Glen gave me some answers to for her (if he was with their dog). I also had a sense of ease and peace that came over me as I conveyed the messages that were offered. More importantly, she also calmed down enough to think straight. Glen had, from the other side, taken charge like he had in life and laid out a game plan that made complete and perfect sense to her. Thru me, he spoke the words she would understand and LISTEN to.
She thanked me over and over again before we hung up. I was just as grateful that she was open to receive the messages! Glen gave *me* a sense of appreciation for being able to help her. I was in complete awe when I was done. The entire process, although not about me, felt amazing. I was so honored that Glen shoved his way thru to direct me how to help her. He made SURE I KNEW IT WAS HIM and was still able to help.
Tonia* still has moments but they are much further and far between. She is slowing making her way back to doing a few fun things and has even tried dating. I speak to her off and on and am grateful to hear the slow return of the person she once was. No doubt Glen is still helping to guide and direct her. Angels are all around us!