I’m sure a lot of you have watched or heard of the game show LETS MAKE A DEAL. Wayne Brady and other hosts have been on this long running game show, but the premise is the same. You basically get a choice of three doors, each with their own prize behind them. No guarantee of what your prize is going to be, but you are going to get SOMETHING — that’s the ONLY thing you are guaranteed. Good? Bad? A Zonk? It’s up to you! So, CHOOSE WISELY! Hmmmm, should I take the risk or take the guaranteed door?
(insert dramatic music here ‘DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN’)
For a long time now, I have been getting messages from Spirit. Silly me, I ASSUMED (we all know what THAT word stands for!) that anything that was told to me was going to happen in the next DAY! Well, THAT didn’t happen. Then, I waited for a week. No such luck. Tried a month. NOPE! Then waited the one to three-month window. Sometimes Yes, sometimes, no. Ok lesson learned. I learned the tactics my Angels used when giving me these messages regarding time. Oh, IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN, but not when *I* think it should. Trust me, the messages ALWAYS happened.
The NEXT lesson that I learned about all the information I was getting of this puzzle of life was NOT ALL FOR THE SAME PICTURE. I’m not going to lie, THAT realization was like smacking me upside the head with a cast iron skillet. NOT FUN.
Honestly, those sneaky Angels of mine are great at giving me all this information! Seriously, I am grateful! What I didn’t think about is that there are always many ways your life can go. Why? WE HAVE FREE WILL! If I change my mind, it’s a different picture! Oh, I get hints about what the picture COULD look like with all the bits if info I get, but it is only when I look back, that I see how all the pieces I got were for that ONE picture. They also show me all the extra pieces I was trying to cram into the same picture but yet they were for a different one. None of this stopped me from trying to smash the ill-fitting pieces into something that LOOKED like it would fit but didn’t. (A girls gotta try!!)
Now that I am onto what my Angels and guides are doing, I try and figure them out via a different tactic (no doubt they are highly amused by my feeble attempts). I’m trying to figure out what the big picture is supposed to look like. Not by the bits and pieces they give me. It’s like you got a six-piece puzzle of an ice cream cone. You put the cone pieces together and then the ice cream pieces together. I figured I would try this adulting version and thus it became my new strategy. The hard part is when there are SO MANY PIECES, honestly you aren’t even sure how many pictures your creating.
I want to clarify that hands down Spirit is always helping me. I am getting nudges, hints, and signs ALL-THE-TIME. Call me an over-achiever but I am still looking for the (wait for it!) ‘…AND SHE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER, THE END’ picture. I am told repeatedly that it is one picture that is NOT going to happen because when is THE END? Do I still look for it? YES I DO! Easy street would be GREAT!
Getting back to the game show, let me paint the picture for you.
(announcer) WAYNE! TELL THE LITTLE LADY WHAT SHE COULD WIN!!
(the crowd is waiting with anticipation)
‘’In front of you are three doors and behind each door is a boat that will take to take you across this stretch of time. One, is a cute little boat with a strong engine that will assure your arrival to the next phase. The other two boats look the same, but will be Zonk-boats. They may have holes in the hull and engine issues and no paddles. These Zonk-boats will cause you to make pit stops, take unfamiliar paths and be riddled with hiccups and definitely take you longer to get to the destination. We want you to have the BEST BOAT. LISA! Do YOU want the best boat??’
(hesitantly, I answer yes….)
‘HERE IS YOUR TASK!: You have to (finally) let go of a few things, forgive, acknowledge your lessons learned, release it and agree to walk forward. You are never to look back. You can only go forward, and embrace the future. Do so, and you are guaranteed the good boat to cross to the next phase. If you choose not to do the work, you will be subjected to one of the other two boats.
Now, little lady…. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? DO THE WORK OR TAKE THE CHANCE AT GETTING A ZONK-BOAT??
(the crowd cheers their predictions)
Whelp, I opted in to do the work. Damn, if I wanted to! What I initially felt when I agreed to do this was like a two liter of pop that had Mento’s dropped in. It felt like it was going to spew up out of me RIGHT THEN! The work was letting something in my past go.
Honestly, I did not think that I was holding onto it that much but OBVIOUSLY the warning signs were most definitely there that I was. Did you know that out of sight out of mind does NOT equal letting it go? (Damn-it, man!)
Being the queen of procrastination sometimes, I realized I was STALLING about just doing it. How messed up is THAT!? I knew I had to do it but ‘suddenly’ I got in the car and went someplace – how’s THAT for you? If I avoid it then it goes away, right???? NOT! HA! NO! So, off in the car I went. HAVE KEYS-WILL TRAVEL! Hey, I gave myself brownie points for agreeing to do it. It was a BIG STEP FOR ME! Figured if I went for a drive the thought would magically ‘disappear’.
On the other hand, my Angels that watch over me had other ideas. It was like they all piled into the car with me. They were NOT going to let this go. I turned on the radio and went on my merry way to ANYPLACE else but home. You guys, this was so wild I actually pulled over and had to write this down. YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!
Song 1: FORGIVE (didn’t get the artist name – thought it was a ‘coincidence”)
Song 2: FINALLY! (CC Penniston)
Song 3: Give it up, turn it loose (En Vogue)
Song 4: Best thing that ever happened (Gladys night)
Song 5: Show ME love (Robin S)
(At this time I was laughing so hard I had to pull over)
Song 6: I’ll Wait (Kygo) (Pictured my Angels crossed arms looking at me saying ‘WE CAN DO THIS ALL DAY’!)
They CRACK ME UP! I so love them! That’s just FUNNY! You know the saying ‘wherever you go, there you are’? That was my Angels – NOT LETTING THIS GO. They have been harping on me to do this for a LOOONNNNGGGGG time. Finally saying ok wasn’t enough for them. They were making sure I did the work and not let this go THIS DAY. To their credit, they must know something I didn’t to REALLY encourage me despite my avoidance tactics!
I admit, the foreboding I felt about doing the work was lightened by the laughter but then came the harder part. DOING IT.
So, I did what I needed to do, felt from the heart, wrote out my gratitude letter for the lessons I learned, said a few prayers through heaving sobs and released it. I burned my grief letter in my kitchen sink.
(But WAIT! There’s more!)
Now, I SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM IN THE APARTMENT —OMG, now the smoke alarms are going off (ok, it was four pages worth of a fire in the sink- I didn’t think it was THAT big!!) and there was some wimpy voice emanating from some small box on the wall going “fire”, “fire”. Seriously???? That wasn’t enough to wake up a hamster!
So, racing, I turned on the garbage disposal to dispose of the remnants of the letter. Then, turned my attention getting the smoke alarms to turn off before the fire department showed up!! Talk about my Angels making me turn off the water works and shift my energy!! I did NOT want to have to explain all of this to a hot looking fireman! HOLY MOLY! A/C on FULL BLAST? Check! Ceiling fans on? DONE! Doors OPEN? Got it! Kitchen towel waving up to fan air before the sprinkler system turned on and flooded my apartment? YES! YES and YES! WHAT-THE-HELL!!!?????
When the alarm FINALLY turned off and I heard no sound of the fire trucks coming, I sat down to breath a sigh of relief and meditate. My Angels showed me at the bottom of the ocean – you know the dark part that light doesn’t even get down to that those weird looking fish live. I saw me cutting the rope that anchored me in that dark water and suddenly I was shooting up towards the lighter blue water. The water where the sun comes through. Then like a cork, my head was above water. That’s how fast I shot up to the top. But that’s also how far down I was being held. I couldn’t even SEE the bottom any more. WOW!
I’m not gonna’ lie, I was emotionally EXHAUSTED by this point. Holy cow. I went from intense contemplation, to thigh slapping laughter, to heaving sobs, to HOLY CRAP THE FIRE DEPARTMENTS GOING TO COME AND I DON’T REMEMBER IF I COMBED MY HAIR, to breathing a sigh of relief from a release.
Was it enough though? I had to know! I was not going to take ANY CHANCES. I wanted to make sure that I did enough to shift me back to the path of least resistance – get in the boat that had no holes, and an engine to get me going forward. I did NOT want to have to do this again!!
I called in a favor to two of my amazing woo woo friends. We all help each other out with different things. I asked them to please tap into their Spirit guides and ask if the release I did was enough. Not knowing what it was even about, one of them mentioned that they saw me throwing “baggage” off a mountain cliff and it was SO FAR DOWN that all she saw was a little “dust-poof”. My other friend said that she saw three doors/options for me, and the other two doors were no longer there. There was only one door for me, now.
I’m not going to lie, that was rough for me. REALLY, rough. I had been denying I was holding onto something for a very long time. I am looking forward to keeping my head above water with little effort and just bobbing along, but without all the heavy stuff trying to pull me under. Ties are CUT. Baggage dropped.
Man, I slept like a log that night. I no longer have a rear-view mirror to stare back at what was holding me down. It’s gone. Shattered. Now, it’s just the front windshield of my life going forward. The confusing puzzle pieces have fallen away. I still don’t have a complete and clear picture of the front of the puzzle box although I DO like what I see going forward much more now. It’s not a guaranteed Happily Every After either, but, I’m pretty sure Wayne’s going to tell me, there’s a bonus round! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! WOO HOO!